Mood: Helpful
Listening To: My J-Rock collection (currently Gackt)
As a man, dealing with the opposite sex can be a Olympic event of hurdles and other dangerous obstacles. The most dangerous of these is the art of misunderstanding what the opposite sex is really saying. Unfortunately for us, there is no 'Female Language for Dummies' book to pick up and read at the local Library or Barnes & Noble. Most of this is learned via personal experience (READ: NOT RECOMMENDED!!!) or if you're lucky enough to have it passed down to you by someone that has had personal experience (recommended!). While this guide is not 100% with every woman that walks this earth, pay attention nonetheless. It could save you, or at least prepare you for your pending castration.
#1 - Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. As much as you want to argue this, DO NOT DO SO!!! By doing so can incur the wrath of word #8, and that's even worse.
#2 - Five Minutes: While this one can be viewed as a double standard, you'll have to deal with it, they don't change their minds so easily. Therefore, if she is getting dressed, five more minutes means give her another half an hour without complaint. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to do what you want to do (such as watching the game on TV, playing Rock Band or working on your car project) before doing what she needs you for, such as helping around the house.
#3 - Nothing: Alert Level RED; this is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine, which usually leads to a even greater snowball effect of your ass is grass and she IS the proverbial Lawn Mower.
#4 - Go Ahead: Do not pass go and do not collect $200. This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It If You Value Your Relationship and Sex Life, if such a life exists by this time, as its a good chance you've already lost it!
#5 - Loud Sigh: You might think this is only a sound, but this is actually a word formed in a non-verbal statement 99.9% misunderstood by us men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. Please refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing if you've already forgotten.
#6 - That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man and you can guarantee that unless you know to look for it, you're going to run head first into this wall and not know what hit you. 'That's okay' means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake(s) - be warned, they will often stack past mistakes on top of the most current.
#7 - Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint! Just say you're welcome. On the other hand, if she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever' and much more (see below).
#8 - Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying FUCK YOU!
#9 - Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself after being fed up by your constant inactivity on the subject. This will later result in us usually asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3 and kiss your ass goodbye.
As a final note, while I am attempting to be slightly humorous with this post; Yes, this is an act of humor, I'm being serious at the same time. I just figured you'd remember it better if I made it funny, but I could be wrong.
Listening To: My J-Rock collection (currently Gackt)
As a man, dealing with the opposite sex can be a Olympic event of hurdles and other dangerous obstacles. The most dangerous of these is the art of misunderstanding what the opposite sex is really saying. Unfortunately for us, there is no 'Female Language for Dummies' book to pick up and read at the local Library or Barnes & Noble. Most of this is learned via personal experience (READ: NOT RECOMMENDED!!!) or if you're lucky enough to have it passed down to you by someone that has had personal experience (recommended!). While this guide is not 100% with every woman that walks this earth, pay attention nonetheless. It could save you, or at least prepare you for your pending castration.
#1 - Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. As much as you want to argue this, DO NOT DO SO!!! By doing so can incur the wrath of word #8, and that's even worse.
#2 - Five Minutes: While this one can be viewed as a double standard, you'll have to deal with it, they don't change their minds so easily. Therefore, if she is getting dressed, five more minutes means give her another half an hour without complaint. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to do what you want to do (such as watching the game on TV, playing Rock Band or working on your car project) before doing what she needs you for, such as helping around the house.
#3 - Nothing: Alert Level RED; this is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine, which usually leads to a even greater snowball effect of your ass is grass and she IS the proverbial Lawn Mower.
#4 - Go Ahead: Do not pass go and do not collect $200. This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It If You Value Your Relationship and Sex Life, if such a life exists by this time, as its a good chance you've already lost it!
#5 - Loud Sigh: You might think this is only a sound, but this is actually a word formed in a non-verbal statement 99.9% misunderstood by us men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. Please refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing if you've already forgotten.
#6 - That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man and you can guarantee that unless you know to look for it, you're going to run head first into this wall and not know what hit you. 'That's okay' means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake(s) - be warned, they will often stack past mistakes on top of the most current.
#7 - Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint! Just say you're welcome. On the other hand, if she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever' and much more (see below).
#8 - Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying FUCK YOU!
#9 - Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself after being fed up by your constant inactivity on the subject. This will later result in us usually asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3 and kiss your ass goodbye.
As a final note, while I am attempting to be slightly humorous with this post; Yes, this is an act of humor, I'm being serious at the same time. I just figured you'd remember it better if I made it funny, but I could be wrong.
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